Mis-Adventures in Porn.

Years ago I heard tale of the AVN awards.. Basically the Oscars for Porn.

"I would like to thank my Mother for my shitty childhood and 'Uncle' Joe, without them this wouldn't be possible."

I was slightly amused at the thought.. now I live right here in the land of Miss America Pageant and the home of Porn awards.  Not just the award show... but a whole weekend of an over-priced expo..

We got our tickets and thought what a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon... The people watching is going to be awesome!

Off to the Hard Rock we go!

Pulling into the almost full parking garage we notice a large amount of Utah plates..

Maybe they are here for the Rock-n-Roll?

Following the trail of cheap cologne and dudes walking funny, we find the entrance to the Expo..

The place was packed! Men everywhere.. back packs filled with cameras and photos of their favorite stars private parts, ready to be signed...

Like this but more fun..

I don't know what we expected.. but all the fun was deflated by the over crowding..

So many people.. so many determined men..

Here is a sample of what we saw.

I think she was in Pulp Friction

You can't make this up.. these guys are seriously discussing this DVD 

Ouchy.. Really?

Got to have pole dancers at this sort of gathering!

Every geek and freak had a camera.. big nice expensive cameras.. 

There were toys for sale and display also!

There were some toys and displays that are just a little too graphic for this blog.. Hard to believe I know!

This Bitch has seen some abuse!

I say she has about 6 months left and then she just falls over.. exhausted from it all.

The place was crazy crowded..

The fun was is the people watching..  Old guys in wheelchairs.. old women in wheel chairs.. young punks.. couples.. some old guy in chinos and spiked heels....then crowd became too large. It was beating down on us and we felt we had to run for our lives..

Hey that's another kind of convention.

Lesson of the day... Porn is much better in your house, behind closed doors.. hold on to your shame and stay away from the AVN....

Hey Winter, you're doing it wrong!

I hate winter.. I hate cold and snow... I hate it I tell ya.

This is why I love Vegas... nice dry mild Winters... Just a day or so ago I was loving the 60 degree average for this time of year weather... but now????

F you 26 degrees!

The news is a buzz, reminding us every hour that it is cold... keep the pets in... check on your elderly neighbors,  turn off your sprinkler systems and poor Chell, run your pool pump during the night.

Funny how the pets and elderly never get mentioned when its 112 out.

That we know how to handle.

Bella is mad... she goes outside and marches back in to yell at us and demand warmer air.
Just look what this weather has done to Bella!

She forgot to come in.

The house across the street is empty and the sprinklers run every day.. making ice slick sidewalk.. The kids in the hood are fascinated with the frozen wonderland,

Good Times!

Las Vegans really have no idea how to do winter... we really don't!

Oops!

This is what frozen means to us.

3 More days of this...  If you don't hear from us, its because we were so cold our eyes started to water and we wandered aimlessly, getting lost.. stumbling into the warmth of a Nye County brothel and finding the hospitality of the 'girls' too gracious to refuse...

Hey new friends are important!

Ode to the old sectional

It was a cheap piece of furniture.

Mom and Dad picked it up from some sad souls vacating Vegas for more prosperous land.

I know Cheryl Crow is going through your head.

Memories of Old Couchy!

 It was mushy and cushy and great to watch TV on....  It made a decent bed when the house was over run and now it it sitting on the curb...

A ad on craigslist had them all chiming in..  Anything for free I guess... Someone even wanted it delivered..
But it is sitting there waiting for the first folks to show to come pick it up in a hour or so.. 

Now after months of obsessing Mom has her brand new couch..

A couch that she picked up in the truck and arrived for Chell and I Ikea style.. In boxes... not put together..

But mostly Chell, cause I don't read confusing diagrams as well as she does.

Finally she has her new couch.

Bella hasn't found it yet.. she has been hiding for hours...  

Ready for lounging and stuff..

2013 may you be good to us.

Finally the Holidays are behind us, at least for another 6 months.. then the retailers will start displaying Christmas cheer in 112 degree weather.

You can buy bikini's and tacky all at once.

This year I resolve to eat less celery.

I vow to pray less, and stop preaching the virtues of clean living!

In support of Chell and her new business adventure.

I resolve to expand my vocabulary.

The Urban Dictionary way!

I will watch more Honey Boo Boo.

And her Mother.

I will stop picking up free things off Craigslist.

But it still has some use!

But must of all, I resolve to get the image of Mom saying... "I could wear leather pants and carry a whip." out of my head..... Before it explodes into a million pieces.