Time to strip..

Chell and I decided to head on down to The Strip today.
Why not? It's so close!
I had my point and shoot camera, sorry tourists, you make it so easy!

Only on the third Monday of the month..

Today's Babes!

I needed my sun glasses for more than just the sun...  that is some white skin.

 Everyone needs a picture of a giant M&M

I call this one Douchary.

Hey Asshole! You owe me 20 bucks!

Hanging out with Chell and taking in the freaks, life is good!

What??????

I'm not worried.

Tomorrow I go to my new job for orientation. 

And leave with a slip of paper to take to some unknown clinic  for my drug test.

I'm not going to lie. I am happy its a hair drug test.. those little bottles are hell when peeing under pressure. Oh, and just gross.

Having never taken this sort of drug test, I Googled it, just to know.

Of course ways to beat a drug test is what popped up.

I want to know how do you sue if they don't give you your 500% money back guarantee once you fail?

You are still jobless, no money for a lawyer. 

Is it a good idea to go to court and tell a Judge that your illegal drug taking wasn't duped by the lab?

I should have started this business.  $44.00 for a snake oil remedy?  Sweet!

Unless they test for copious amounts of caffeine, I don't have to visit this guy!

Don't worry if you do get selected for a urine test... the internet has that covered too... 

 

Freeze dried clean urine!

Wouldn't it be easier to 'Just say no!'  and cheaper.. this kit is $150.00..

P.S. Sorry for the graphic of the fake penis.. kinda geeks me out too.

Finally!

Guess who got a job!
Me!
In a city that has the second highest unemployment rate in the country!  (12.5%)


Sure I could have landed a job long ago in the City of Sin, if I was 20 years younger and  3 bra cup sizes larger.

Come on and work for us! (middle aged Dykes need not apply.)

So I am thrilled to land this job. 

Data entry specialist.. 

At a company that makes its money off of silly tourist in casino stores..

All your souvenir needs.

Along with trinkets to remind you of your stay, they have upscale stores in major casinos. Here in Vegas and  in Atlantic City.

Shop shop shop !

I need to thank my former boss and friend, Jeanine, who gave them a stellar and unforgettable reference.

Something like   

"If you don't take her, pack her in bubble wrap and send her back to me."  

Plus lots of other kind things.  Said only in a manner that Jeanine can pull off.

And my friend J.C. who also made a impression with glowing review of my character!

 

Monday I visit with Human Resources.. get all that orientation shit out of the way..

 

And pass my hair drug test..

Happy!

Now it's time to get Bella a job... lazy ass cat!

IRS Scams

When Mom got home from Reno she was welcomed by a notice from the IRS.
After waiting for the tax day to come and go, hoping to get someones full attention, she called the IRS.
Waited, gave up. 
Called again. 
Waited and waited, gave up.
And so it goes.

What's worse that a court subpoena? 

Time to bite the bullet, and head on down to the actual IRS office. Downtown... in a building that is tucked away in a maze of road construction.

If your knees are arthritic, the only place to park is in the $6.00 a hour  parking garage.

When you go to a government building, you expect to wait. 

Armed with books we just hoped that we could get in and out before we ran out of pages...

We walk in the building and about 50 folks are hanging out.. the number being served is showing, just like the DMV.

But there is no little thingy to take a number.

So we go ask the Bitch  Government employed woman sitting at a desk.

Who tells us that she only gives out ten numbers at a time..  WTF???  

Then how do you know when its your turn?

She points to a sign that has some tape over it and says. 

"When the sign has this on it we are not giving out numbers... Call the help line.. come back later.. be here at 8:00am and I have to give you a number or just hang out and hope for the best." 

She really said that, and before we could question her methods she continues. "I gave you four options."

It wasn't even close to lunch time yet!

So seriously what do you do?

Nobody answers the phone. You can't just walk in apparently. But if you are late with your tax issues you get fined, and more fines and that is on top of the ones you already received before you even knew there was a problem.

I am not against paying taxes. I love living in America.. but come on folks it shouldn't be this hard to communicate questions and concerns.. 

Exasperated, Mom is actually going to drive to Utah, where at least you can get into a office and wait.

The tax issue stem from there anyway, so she can talk to the idiots who prepared her taxes the year in question while she is hanging out in Utah.

 

Basic math

Today I had another interview.
Same company, different position.. my resume was passed along from office to office.

I assumed it got filed.

And I know now not to call the head of H.R. any kind of 'Ho'

This position is a data entry job, but in the warehouse. 

Before meeting with my interviewer I was told warehouse personnel need to pass a math test. Without a calculator... Mercy!

Oh No! I suck at math.. I was having visions of ........

 

Goodwill Hunting... or worse, something cousin Julia would encounter every day.

It ended up being only a couple of problems.. 

Sample.

4 dozen equals?

Half a dozen time 3?

10 multiplied by 10?

 4561

   265

 +  14

It was so easy that I was looking for the catch.. 

Why are they trying to trick me??

I think I passed..

I think they want me... now I just have to pass a personality assessment test.....

I might still be in trouble.

Today's PSA

As the heat rises here in Vegas, its a reminder that tourist season is about to hit full tilt.

Get that Costco size sun screen out!

It's almost 100 degrees out there!

With the tourist comes tacky wear, and fanny packs!

What way to the strip??

Also comes the opportunity to screw the naive.

Not that kind of screwed..

I have been reading with fascination about long hauling.. 

That is when the union run, mob connected taxi companies take you the long way to your destination.

Fresh off the plane and ready to spend your hard earned money, who is going to think the first gamble you take is your pick of taxi drivers???

Don't let the pretty cab fool you.

A ride from the airport to a Strip hotel should cost between $15.00 and $20.00.

If the cabbie gets on the highway, they are long hauling you and you will spend about $30.00 to $50.00.

It's common and well practiced.  

Most drivers also know that the rewards of fleecing tourists far outweigh the penalty they might have to pay in the unlikely event of a citation. The fine for a first offense is $100, with penalties rising in steps to $500 and possible license revocation on the fifth conviction.

.  ~ quote from the Las Vegas Review- Journal

So beware if you are flying into sin city.. or better yet spend two dollars and take the bus!

Your Welcome..

Here is a bonus PSA

 

Love what you have done with the place.

When we first moved into this neighborhood, there were so many for sale signs up.
House after house for sale. 

Most of them are down now. Rented or sold.

Recently another house did get put on the market.

Remember this one????

Gross gross gross... Nobody could forget this...

Or this.

With the market picking up, and it being harder now to repo a house,  less houses getting thrown in to the foreclosure free-for-all. 

And so the house I thought would never sell, did.

But that is a good thing right?

The new owners will clean it up and make it a happy home! 

Or they will just hack away at it and leave for days.

Hey the trash guys didn't pick up those thousand pound bag of stucco Monday.. So why  not add a bathroom sink to the pile?

Should be interesting to see how this progresses!

A tribute to coffee

 

Or when you crash!

I love coffee!
I love the smell, taste and the whole ritual of making and pouring a cup of joe.


The world is a better place for the dark rich flavor of Java.

Try doing that with a tumbler of Kool-aid

Coffee shops have been a safe place to socialize for decades.

                                                          

                         

Damn Hipsters know that too.

I won't lie, i too am a coffee slut.

You may call it a novelty plant pot, I call it practical!

Please please oh please.

Today I had a job interview!
I had a couple last month but I really wasn't that excited about the jobs.. but a job is a job and anything is good.

Maybe not.  Worst job ever....

Nope this is worse.. 

I want this job!

So keep your fingers crossed and send the good Karma my way..

I think the interview went well..

Temple work

Chell and I decided to take a look around the new neighborhood.  
 And guess what we found just down the road.

If it's in Las Vegas shouldn't Moroni be neon?

We knew the Mormon Temple was close by, but it is really close by.

It's a good thing it's a clear sky...

So I don't get hit by lightning! 

It is a pretty building with great views of downtown. 

So the Saints can look down on the sinners!