Infant care.

With Rhones family sprouting babies, I thought I would give my baby care advise.

Every new parent loves to be told how to raise their offspring, right?


Taking baby home.. there are several ways to get the little bundle of joy home.

Secure with love and a smile.

Don't

It is strapped in!

Treat infant as luggage.

If you only have a Vespa use protective plastic bag.

Playing with baby is important.

Too big to swallow and bright pretty colors.

   

 

Ouchie!

I know that babies can be loud and stinky..

Try to resist the urge.... 

 

There is a better way!

No tattoos...

Oh sure it's cute now.... 

But.

She will regret it when she is 12.

And no tattoos for the proud parents... it never comes out right.

Laser removal anyone???

Most of all have fun and enjoy the bundles of joy!

Life is good!

Welcome to the family little Ada.

You're fired..

Last night was the finale of the Apprentice..
Love him or hate him Trump is entertaining.

See how fun he is???.. so much to make fun of.

His D-list 'Celebrities' are also a source of enjoyment.. 

Admit it, you have no idea who this Bitch is..  I wouldn't either until I watched the show... 

The reality is nobody likes to get fired, real or pretend on a silly show..

This morning I found out the woman who is training me was fired Friday.. 

(I work Sunday- Thursday... I think that might change now.)

Apparently she called in sick a few too many times.

So now I get to learn things super quick.

 

What's in a name?

Las Vegas has the Heart Attack grill.



True to it's name a couple of people have had heart attacks while eating in this newly opened restaurant.


Vegas also has a chain of gas station/ corner markets and larger casinos called Terrible's.

WHY WOULD THEY CHOSE THAT NAME?

And my favorite.

Now that is funny.

Today Mom and I went downtown to look at a condo.. the Realtor was running late, so we thought we would pop into Terribles and grab a bite.. Maybe lose five dollars..

 The place lived up to it's name..

Just Terrible.

The cafe and the buffet are next to each other, we chose wrong... we went with the cafe.

The service was poor... but soon forgotten by the mess they fed us.

how hard is it to screw up a BLT???

The bread was cold and the bacon old and greasy...

Moms soup probably started out as this.

Nah.. that would have tasted better. 

But the best was my soup.

Seafood soup... I love me some seafood, when its good.

This was not.. I figured out the recipe.

First go to the Buffet dumpster.

Pull out the uneaten(? )

Shrimp, kielbasa, and celery.

Put in a bowl and go to the buffets never ending vat of brown gravy and pour generously on top.

Wait until it gets cool and the serve.

They actually served me this.

So I say to Mom, 

"This is the worst soup ever, taste it."

and she did.....

Makes you wonder..

What posses a person to do what they do?
Today Mom was home alone and the door bell rings... when she got to the door nobody was there.

Hey where are you? Who is there? Hellooooooooo.

She decided to go through the garage and see if she could see someone walking away (Surprise, surprise the garage door was open.) 

She didn't need to go far.... Sitting on a chair, in the garage, was a woman hysterical and crying.

Mom couldn't get her to talk sane.. babbles about having nothing and no where to go..
Mom told here that she would grab her phone and get her some help... 
When she came back out to the garage, the woman was gone.

Hey where did she go??????

What did this woman think to gain by knocking on a random door?

She doesn't know that Mom has a bleeding heart.

Well dressed and frantic.. not some meth head tweaking for a fix...

Where is her family? Friends? 

More importantly, will this convince Mom to close the garage door, especially when she is home alone???

Nah, it was open when I got home from work.

I'm so tired of chasing critters out of the garage. 

 

 

Sin City holds true to it's nickname

People come to Las Vegas for many reasons.
Gambling, free booze, tons of adult stores... and the belief that prostitution is legal. (It's not in Clark County.)
Legal or not the 'Escort service' and massage parlors do a great business.

Someone is getting a happy ending.

It this behavior limited to The Strip????

Not at all.

Chells neighbor has a pool also.  A pool you can see clearly from the upstairs bedrooms.

(The neighbor has a single story so she can't see into Chells pool.)

We call her the Avon lady, because the sticker on her car says she is a Avon Lady.

She is usually quiet and keeps to herself, but the days are getting hotter and as the 100 degree weather settles in, pools become a great way to cool off. 

So it goes..the other day the neighbor is making noise out by her pool. So is her male visitor.

Chell looks out the window just in time to see the bathing suit top fly through the air.

Hey Lady you forgot something!

How about that? A free peep show in the burbs.. 

I told Chell she is dead if she comes home smelling like cheap perfume.

Remember these Sweet Honesty  Bears???? Smells like 1973.

It's awful... try it.

Mike and I have a running joke.. 
We often wonder why when something is truly horrid we insist that the other try it.

Oh My God this is awful, here smell it!

Now we know it smells awful, yet we stick our nose in and take a deep whiff.  

 I stopped playing this game when we were at the Jelly Belly store and I was handed Harry Potter Jelly Beans.

I have a limit.

I have not, nor will I ever eat anything that is made to taste like vomit or ear wax or baby wipe. I refuse! 

I was reminded of this game moments ago when Mom cut open a cantaloupe the neighbor gave her.

"Try this, it's the worst cantaloupe ever." She says.

"No, No No NO!"

She convinces Chell that she has to taste the rancid fruit.. 

Chell spits it out and they both stare at me.

"Try it." They demand.

 

Fine! I try it... and guess what?

It was awful.... I cant believe I fell for it. I know better.

Melony sweaty feet it tasted like.

Next time someone says to you.. 

'Gawd this is horrific, here try it.'

Run away, they are not your friend. 

 

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.
So to help I have set some Mother's Day gift guidelines.

Don't

Get Mom anything that states personal, vibrating or massaging.
Just don't do it.

 A Gift Certificate to a tanning salon might seem like a nice idea, but remember......

It never turns out like this in real life..

This is the reality of a tanning salon moms.

When picking out a nice place to take your mother ... Try  to avoid places  that cater to horny old men. 

 Rather try more traditional and sweet ideas, like my brothers have done.

Chocolate covered Strawberries.. Mmmmmmmm.

These arrived from Rhone and Janet Yesterday!

Roses!!!!

Topher and Josh... Way to go.

Too bad Bella destroyed them moments after.... 

Okay Bella didn't get a chance, I moved them to the mantel and saved Mother's Day.

Maybe I will go bake Mom a cake!